Tuesday, 24 February 2009

make your friends laugh

If you are walking somewhere with your friends, and you decide that you want to make them laugh, it often works to pretend to trip and fall. This works particularly well when you are going up stairs. I just make myself miss a stair and fall down. Everyone usually starts laughing. However, the major problem with this laugh-inducing act, is that whenever I do it, it then becomes impossible to prove to my friends that I did it on purpose. They are all laughing at me, and I'm like..."I did that on purpose you know."...and they are like, "yeah right." Then it continues back and forth like that, and I can't prove my case. This then attacks my pride, and I end up irritated. So, in summary, tripping on purpose will make your friends laugh, but will leave you pissed off.


Sometimes, when I'm at work, I like to walk backwards around the office so that the other employees think that time is going in reverse. When someone notices me, I'll stop, look at my watch, and say something like...

"dang it, it's already back to 9am!"

They'll usually look kind of confused, and I'll start laughing inside because I am playing such a good trick on them. I'll do this to people all over the office, all day long. One guy stopped me and told me I should probably get back to my work. I explained to him that time had reversed all the way back to 7 am, so I didn't have to even come in for another two hours. He told me that no one thought my joke was funny, and that it was a distraction. Then I decided to make time go forward extra fast till it reached 5pm, and I went straight home, laughing and laughing at how funny I had been.

Thursday, 12 February 2009

grapefruit juice

Grapefruit juice tastes horrible after brushing your teeth....and so does grapefruit juice.

"Julian, you just said the same thing twice."

- No I didn't...I said that Grapefruit juice tastes....oh no...I did didn't I? I'm so embarrassed...

"No no, it's ok, don't worry about it....you just made a little mistake, that's all."

- Yeah right...everyone's gonna think I'm a huge idiot.

"No one's gonna think that....."

- Not even a little bit??

"Well maybe a little..."

- ....yeah....well I guess that's fair...

"Yeah....I guess it is."

Tuesday, 10 February 2009


Question: On Saturday, how many minutes did I spend in the Native American Museum before I realized it wasn't the modern art museum I was supposed to be meeting my friends at?

Answer: Too many minutes.

Saturday, 7 February 2009

laughing too long

It really annoys me when I'm listening to a speaker at an event, and someone in the audience laughs for too long at one of his jokes. The individual usually has kind of an irritating, or unique laugh when this occurs. The reason this bothers me, is because then half the audience starts laughing again at the person's extra-long laugh, then the speaker has to wait, and his flow is completely messed up. Last time this happened, I got really annoyed, and confronted the situation.

Me: (whispering) Hey man, why did you have to laugh so long at that joke??
Him: What are you talking about? I just thought it was funny. What was I supposed to do?
Me: End your laugh at the same time as everyone else, and not make a scene. Now the speaker has to re-engage the audience.
Him: I'll re-engage you if you don't shut up!
Me: What does that even mean?
Guy next to me: Calm down man...
Me: I am calm, I just felt like the situation needed to be confronted.
Guy: You always do this! Make little things into really big events.
Me: What do you mean, always do this? I've never met you before!
Guy: Haven't you?? Christopher Robbins Elementary, Ms. Roberts' second grade class. Ring a bell??
Me: ....nope....I didn't go to that school.
Guy to the other side of me: Come on, you're Julian Burton right?
Me: What? yea, I am, but I didn't go Christopher Robbins Elementary.
Second Guy: Yeah I know, I'm just messing with you.
Me: How did you know my name?
Second Guy: What are you talking about?
Me: You just said my name!
Second Guy: What, Christopher Robbins?
Me: Huh? NO! you said my name was Julian Burton, Christopher Robbins is the school you were talking about.
Second Guy: I'm confused...You did go to Christopher Robbins??
Me: Oh my gosh...

I'm not really sure what happened there.