Saturday, 1 November 2008

middle aged men

Sometimes I have a weird fantasy where I pretend to tour someone around from a long time ago. When I say a long time ago, I'm talking like pre-electricitybeingdiscovered. Actually, I think it's usually someone from really far back, like middle ages far.

I play out the conversations and imagine driving a man from the past around in my car. He would obviously be so astounded by the speed of the car. I would then play him different samples of music, and then laugh because he would say something like, "this isn't music, this is just noise!"

But then I kind of hit a reality check in my fantasy. This guy would actually be horrified. He probly wouldn't get in my car because his logical line of thinking would cause him to conclude that it's an evil machine. He would be horribly confused and scared by loud music coming from speakers in my car, and wonder where the people were that should be playing it. He would then maybe have to conclude that the sounds are coming from evil spirits in my evil car. Finally, he would potentially conclude that I was also evil, and that I was trying to hurt him.

I try and calm him down, but it's too late. He's already gone and gotten a bunch of his friends from the past and they all declare war on me and my car.

I see them coming down the road in a frenzied anger, and I quickly jump in my car and drive in the opposite direction. They slow down, and then stop in my driveway...not really sure what to do next. They should have thought this through a little better.

As I'm driving along, escaping the war-hungry middle aged men (referring to their age and the time period they come from), I stop near a park, and locate one of the local doves. I quickly tie a note to his ankle, and send him off to my driveway to deliver a message. (I figure that a message by dove won't really freak them out at all, and plus, they don't have cell phones or anything, so it's not like I can send them a text).

The message reads:

Dear Middle Aged men,

I hope that your English is close enough to mine that you are understanding this message. I am sorry that I scared you. We come from different times, and I think that it would be wise for you to return to your time. Fighting will not do us any good. Please leave by sun down.

Julian

P.S. I think that it's kind of weird that you are so freaked out by my car and by modern music, but you don't mind traveling through time in a time machine. Just wanted to point that out.

(End of message)


Anyways, so as you can see, my fantasy quickly turns sour. It pretty much always ends up in war, or something close to it when I imagine hanging out with someone from the past. Maybe I'll start imagining hanging out with someone from the future, and see if we can avoid getting violent.

3 comments:

Chad said...

you are ridiculous. please move to Cali. I need you.

Rob Sackmann said...

awesome.

Matt said...

Hey, they could have fallen into a wormhole... that would legitimize their car/music fears.