I was thinking that we should start using shopping carts as a form of transportation. Just hop on into one, and ride it around. You could even throw a bunch of pillows in to make it comfortable. It would be so much fun!
" Wait, so people would have to push you around all the time, right?"
- No silly! Who would want to do that? You would just run along, hop in, and coast down the hill, with the wind in your hair....
"How would you go back up the hill?"
- Well we would have to build shopping cart lifts, of course...cuz it wouldn't be very fun to walk back up the hill without one..."
"So, essentially, your idea for a new form of transportation, really only works if you are on a hill..."
- Well...yeah, I guess. But hills are everywhere...name somewhere that wasn't on top of a hill!
"My house isn't on top of a hill...I guess I couldn't go anywhere in a shopping cart."
- Hmm...that's unfortunate for you. You will just have to find an alternate form of transportation.
"Shopping carts are not a form of transportation."
- Well not for you they're not. You don't even live on a hill.
Wednesday, 16 September 2009
I was thinking that we should start using shopping carts as a form of transportation. Just hop on into one, and ride it around. You could even throw a bunch of pillows in to make it comfortable. It would be so much fun!
Posted by Julian Burton at 10:45
Tuesday, 25 August 2009
I stopped by my local Harris Teeter today to get some food for dinner. When I pulled into the parking garage connecting to the Teeter, I was disappointed to see that it seemed really full, and cars were circling like hungry sharks, hoping for an open spot. But then I started laughing to myself, because it looked like a bunch of the cars were playing parking lot-chairs.
"Julian, I'm not sure I understand what you are referring to..."
- "You know, like that kids game..."
"Ohhh....like musical chairs, you mean?"
"Hmm...well it would probly make more sense to call it musical-parking lot, or musical parking spots for the analogy..."
- "What analogy?"
"The one where you are comparing musical chairs, to what was going on in the parking lot..."
- "At Harris Teeter?"
"....Yes...at Harris Teeter. Julian, I'm referring to the story you just mentioned to me. This has been one fluid conversation with no breaks...there's no reason you should be confused right now...."
- "hmm....well there actually wasn't any music playing in the parking lot...so it wasn't exactly like musical chairs...is that what you are getting at?"
"........................No............it's not what I was getting at.......................nevermind."
Posted by Julian Burton at 19:01
Friday, 7 August 2009
I hate paying for stamps, so sometimes I just make my own stamps, out of cardboard, glue, glitter, tape, and aluminum. Some people might say that I am not artistic enough to make fake stamps, and that I wouldn't need all of those materials if I was trying to make a stamp. Other people might grab me by the collar and yell in my face, "Julian, do you even know what a stamp is?! Cuz it's outrageous that you think you need all of that stuff to make fake stamps."
I just chuckle to myself, and wait for them to lay their eyes on my stamps. They will be blown away by how shiny, and sturdy they are. "Wow Julian, you really have made some very shiny, and sturdy stamps...I'm sorry for grabbing your collar and yelling in your face."
I will respond..."it's ok my friend...just next time, think before you act....ok???"
I think they understand...
Posted by Julian Burton at 10:04
Monday, 13 July 2009
Yesterday, I was shocked to find a dead bird outside my door. It would have been one thing if he was laying motionless behind the glass door, leading to my back deck. However, he was literally situated behind my bedroom door. My wooden, bedroom door, on the second floor of my house. This was very curious indeed...
Immediately, I knew there could be only one reason for his being there. He must have been bringing me a message! A very important message, surely. I quickly turned him over, and looked for some kind of parchment tied to his ankle. There was none.
I ran downstairs, and noticed that one of the windows was wide open.....that must have been the way he came in. Not knowing where to go, or what to do, I threw open the front door, and frantically searched for a sign, a clue....something, that could help me understand the purpose of this poor bird's mission....a mission that ended so horribly.
It didn't take me long to notice a man standing across the street. He had on a large, grey wool coat (which was strange, because it was the middle of july), and had shaggy, greasy hair down to his shoulders....He was staring right at me.
I cautiously stepped towards him and cried out...."who are you?? What do you want??"
He smiled, and called back, in a low, raspy voice...."I know what that bird was gonna tell you...."
"What??", I said, feeling progressively nervous.
He started laughing, a horrible, evil laugh..."He was going to tell you...that your time, as ruler of the tribe of Nosbit, is coming to an end, King Roger......"
"What are you talking about???"
He looked uncertain and hesitated before saying..."are you not King Roger, from the lands of the Far East? Ruler of the Nosbit tribe, who is currently at war with the Spokites of the North??"
"I have never heard of anything you are talking about..."
"I see......I'm embarassed....I really thought you were the king...."
"Geez...well I have no idea why that bird was bringing you a message then..."
"It's cool...I'll keep looking around for clues or something..."
"Yeah....yeah....well good luck!"
"Thanks man....I appreciate it.....and good luck with that war of yours...It sounds pretty intense."
"Yeah, thanks.....I guess I'll see you around??"
"Umm....yeah, maybe. We're actually having a cookout tomorrow...I don't know if you wanted to come by...."
"...Hm....I'll have to ask my wife....what time??"
"Alright....should I bring anything?"
"Maybe a six pack or something....but it's not necessary...."
"Ok....well, maybe I will..."
"Cool....welp...have a good night!"
To this day, I still don't know what that bird wanted to tell me...
"Julian, didn't you say all of this happened yesterday??"
- "Yeah...so I guess I haven't been trying to figure it out for too long...."
"I bet you'll figure it out one day..."
- "I hope so................................I hope so................"
Posted by Julian Burton at 21:06
Monday, 11 May 2009
I think part of me has always been fascinated with rain forests. All the colors, sounds, and creatures everywhere are truly delightful subjects for thought. This is why I decided to plant a rain forest in my back yard.
I went out and got all the rain forest seeds I could find, and sought out as many rain forest creatures I could get my hands on.
It took a lot of watering and sunlight, but sure enough, a rain forest began to grow in my back yard. After a few months, I had a full grown, back yard, rain forest and I was so happy with the results.
I would spend hours, climbing the trees, jumping in the river, and playing with my favorite rain forest creature, Mr. Antelope.
But the rain forest kept growing and growing, and it started to grow all over, and even inside my house. Soon, I couldn't even find my way out of my room cuz I would get lost and stuck amidst the vines, moss, and branches growing everywhere.
I was getting pretty frustrated with all the vegetation growing everywhere, And to make matters worse, freakin' Mr. Antelope would not leave me alone!
"Come on Julian, Let's go outside and play!" He would say, over and over again...
- "Leave me alone Mr. Antelope! I need some time to myself...you need to give me some space...and besides, antelopes aren't even supposed to live in the rain forest..."
"Well where am I supposed to go??"
- "I don't know...find a prairie or a plain to run around in...just get out of this rain forest!"
"Fine, I will..."
And Mr. Antelope left the rain forest, and he never came back.
I felt pretty bad about how we left things...oh well...hopefully he found a nice African plain somewhere...
I got pretty grumpy with all the other animals as well, and soon all of them left, just like Mr. Antelope.
I guess I wasn't supposed to have a rain forest after all...
It's just kind of annoying now though, cuz I still have all these vines and rain forest trees growing all over my house, and I don't know how to get rid of them...
I guess I get what I deserve....
Posted by Julian Burton at 21:18
Monday, 27 April 2009
I am definitely someone who loves to reflect on life, and I am happy to just sit, and let time go by while I think. Sometimes, when I really want to have some time to myself, I go to my secret cave. The cave is located in a small, secluded, and beautiful mountain, not far from my house. I decorated the cave with flowers, and I've painted some art on the walls...just like people did long, long ago...
Yesterday, my friend Harold called me on my cell phone, and told me that I needed to stop pretending the kids next doors' tree house was a secret cave. He said the neighbors were really angry that I had painted random things on the walls, and that I kept leaving flowers all over the ground.
I told Harold that he shouldn't grow up so fast, and learn to use his imagination a little more.....
...Harold is not getting invited to my cave party next Saturday...
Posted by Julian Burton at 21:16
Tuesday, 14 April 2009
Once, when I was little...I decided I would try and make a milkshake...
The most logical method to my young mind, was to simply mix milk and juice...
I tried mixing the milk with three different kinds of juice, each attempt leaving me disappointed...
I eventually decided that the flaw in my milkshake recipe had more to do with the basic idea of mixing milk and juice to make a milkshake, then it did with the type of juice I chose to use...
That was a very important lesson...
Posted by Julian Burton at 21:08
Tuesday, 31 March 2009
Now that the weather has started to warm up, I find myself wandering over to my favorite park nearby. It's a beautiful place, with lots of trees around the outside of it, and lots of animals moving around inside of it. Sometimes I get annoyed though, because I find that the park is really cold and wet. My friend Raymond told me that my "park" wasn't really a park at all....he said that it was actually a lake. I told him that he should use his brain a little more often, and to not be critical of every little thing I do.
Posted by Julian Burton at 16:09
Tuesday, 24 February 2009
If you are walking somewhere with your friends, and you decide that you want to make them laugh, it often works to pretend to trip and fall. This works particularly well when you are going up stairs. I just make myself miss a stair and fall down. Everyone usually starts laughing. However, the major problem with this laugh-inducing act, is that whenever I do it, it then becomes impossible to prove to my friends that I did it on purpose. They are all laughing at me, and I'm like..."I did that on purpose you know."...and they are like, "yeah right." Then it continues back and forth like that, and I can't prove my case. This then attacks my pride, and I end up irritated. So, in summary, tripping on purpose will make your friends laugh, but will leave you pissed off.
Sometimes, when I'm at work, I like to walk backwards around the office so that the other employees think that time is going in reverse. When someone notices me, I'll stop, look at my watch, and say something like...
"dang it, it's already back to 9am!"
They'll usually look kind of confused, and I'll start laughing inside because I am playing such a good trick on them. I'll do this to people all over the office, all day long. One guy stopped me and told me I should probably get back to my work. I explained to him that time had reversed all the way back to 7 am, so I didn't have to even come in for another two hours. He told me that no one thought my joke was funny, and that it was a distraction. Then I decided to make time go forward extra fast till it reached 5pm, and I went straight home, laughing and laughing at how funny I had been.
Posted by Julian Burton at 18:53
Thursday, 12 February 2009
Grapefruit juice tastes horrible after brushing your teeth....and so does grapefruit juice.
"Julian, you just said the same thing twice."
- No I didn't...I said that Grapefruit juice tastes....oh no...I did didn't I? I'm so embarrassed...
"No no, it's ok, don't worry about it....you just made a little mistake, that's all."
- Yeah right...everyone's gonna think I'm a huge idiot.
"No one's gonna think that....."
- Not even a little bit??
"Well maybe a little..."
- ....yeah....well I guess that's fair...
"Yeah....I guess it is."
Tuesday, 10 February 2009
Question: On Saturday, how many minutes did I spend in the Native American Museum before I realized it wasn't the modern art museum I was supposed to be meeting my friends at?
Answer: Too many minutes.
Posted by Julian Burton at 19:02
Saturday, 7 February 2009
It really annoys me when I'm listening to a speaker at an event, and someone in the audience laughs for too long at one of his jokes. The individual usually has kind of an irritating, or unique laugh when this occurs. The reason this bothers me, is because then half the audience starts laughing again at the person's extra-long laugh, then the speaker has to wait, and his flow is completely messed up. Last time this happened, I got really annoyed, and confronted the situation.
Me: (whispering) Hey man, why did you have to laugh so long at that joke??
Him: What are you talking about? I just thought it was funny. What was I supposed to do?
Me: End your laugh at the same time as everyone else, and not make a scene. Now the speaker has to re-engage the audience.
Him: I'll re-engage you if you don't shut up!
Me: What does that even mean?
Guy next to me: Calm down man...
Me: I am calm, I just felt like the situation needed to be confronted.
Guy: You always do this! Make little things into really big events.
Me: What do you mean, always do this? I've never met you before!
Guy: Haven't you?? Christopher Robbins Elementary, Ms. Roberts' second grade class. Ring a bell??
Me: ....nope....I didn't go to that school.
Guy to the other side of me: Come on, you're Julian Burton right?
Me: What? yea, I am, but I didn't go Christopher Robbins Elementary.
Second Guy: Yeah I know, I'm just messing with you.
Me: How did you know my name?
Second Guy: What are you talking about?
Me: You just said my name!
Second Guy: What, Christopher Robbins?
Me: Huh? NO! you said my name was Julian Burton, Christopher Robbins is the school you were talking about.
Second Guy: I'm confused...You did go to Christopher Robbins??
Me: Oh my gosh...
I'm not really sure what happened there.
Posted by Julian Burton at 10:20
Sunday, 28 December 2008
I went for a jog the other day, and was surprised to run through several clouds of gnats. This is obviously not a huge deal, but it is a bit annoying to have little bugs plunging into your mouth and eyes. However, what I thought was strange, is that this particular day, was the first warm day we had had in a little while. When it is cold out, there are not any bugs to speak of. But the first day that it had warmed up, they were out in numbers.
I'm just curious what gnats do while it's cold. Where are they all hiding? Do they just sit somewhere till it gets warm enough to fly into peoples' eyes?? They are like a bunch of kamikaze's, waiting for it to warm up so they can die in order to slightly irritate someone. I wouldn't mind sitting down with the king of the gnats, and explaining that these kamikaze deaths are not necessarily the honorable deaths that they think they are.
"How are you doing mr. gnat??"
- I'm doin alright, thanks...how can I help you??
"Well, I've noticed that your followers seem to try and fly into people's eyes and mouths."
- Ahh...yes, I was wondering when this was going to come up. It is the nature of war my son...we have many that are willing to die in honor, to protect ourselves, and our way of life.
"To be frank with you, people are not really at war with gnats...we just can't see you and accidentally walk into you....We would rather stay away from you honestly. Furthermore...about the honorable deaths you speak of...they don't really achieve very much at all...it just kind of irritates us for a minute till we get the dead body out of our eye or mouth."
- I see...you understand why this is very disturbing news to me....we will now need many more soldiers willing to die to slay our enemy.
"No...no, actually that wasn't my point. I don't think you will be able to kill any humans that way...you are just sacrificing gnats for nothing.
- That is your opinion...as soon as the weather warms up permanently...we will be out in full force, defending ourselves!! (flies out of the room)
Well that didn't go as planned. Sorry everyone, I may have just made our relationship with the gnats much, much worse.
Happy New Year, and beware of the gnats.
Posted by Julian Burton at 18:18
Monday, 8 December 2008
I had finished watching the panthers beat the bucs on monday night football, and I was just quietly sitting at my desk checking my email, espn.com, etc...when I glanced down and saw a bottle cap sitting on the ground by my left foot. I have never been known to be the neatest person in the world, but I have been keeping my room relatively clean, so I decided to pick it up. But ironically, I didn't feel like walking to the trash can, so I just placed it next to my computer.
A few minutes later, I felt extremely spontaneous, and decided to do something crazy.....So I picked up the bottle cap, and flicked it up into the air with my thumb. The act seemed to take place in slow motion, and it felt as if I was able to focus in on every rotation of the violently spinning piece of metal as it traveled upwards. It smacked straight into the ceiling above my head, then went off course towards the lamp. My eyes stayed locked on the cap, as it bounced off the lamp and started plummeting towards the carpet. I dived out of my chair, arm fully extended, and felt the cool metal land neatly in my hand before my fingers wrapped themselves around it.
I was so excited that I had executed this miracle of a catch, that I jumped to my feet with my arms raised in celebration. However, in doing so, I stubbed my toe on the way up, tripped on my book bag, and fell over my chair, finally ending up back on the floor slightly demoralized and in quite a bit of pain.
I just decided to lay there for a minute or so as I tried to take deep breaths to deal with the pain shooting through my toe. What had seemingly been a time of celebration of my coordination and athleticism, had quickly turned into pitiful display of clumsiness.
It was then that I started wondering why I felt the need to jump up, arms raised, to celebrate alone in my room, for catching a bottle cap that I had flicked into the air about 5 feet above my head...
Therefore I am not super-proud of my attempt at a celebration following my catch, nor am I proud of quickly tumbling back to the ground.....but honestly, it was a pretty amazing catch.
Posted by Julian Burton at 21:13
Saturday, 1 November 2008
Sometimes I have a weird fantasy where I pretend to tour someone around from a long time ago. When I say a long time ago, I'm talking like pre-electricitybeingdiscovered. Actually, I think it's usually someone from really far back, like middle ages far.
I play out the conversations and imagine driving a man from the past around in my car. He would obviously be so astounded by the speed of the car. I would then play him different samples of music, and then laugh because he would say something like, "this isn't music, this is just noise!"
But then I kind of hit a reality check in my fantasy. This guy would actually be horrified. He probly wouldn't get in my car because his logical line of thinking would cause him to conclude that it's an evil machine. He would be horribly confused and scared by loud music coming from speakers in my car, and wonder where the people were that should be playing it. He would then maybe have to conclude that the sounds are coming from evil spirits in my evil car. Finally, he would potentially conclude that I was also evil, and that I was trying to hurt him.
I try and calm him down, but it's too late. He's already gone and gotten a bunch of his friends from the past and they all declare war on me and my car.
I see them coming down the road in a frenzied anger, and I quickly jump in my car and drive in the opposite direction. They slow down, and then stop in my driveway...not really sure what to do next. They should have thought this through a little better.
As I'm driving along, escaping the war-hungry middle aged men (referring to their age and the time period they come from), I stop near a park, and locate one of the local doves. I quickly tie a note to his ankle, and send him off to my driveway to deliver a message. (I figure that a message by dove won't really freak them out at all, and plus, they don't have cell phones or anything, so it's not like I can send them a text).
The message reads:
Dear Middle Aged men,
I hope that your English is close enough to mine that you are understanding this message. I am sorry that I scared you. We come from different times, and I think that it would be wise for you to return to your time. Fighting will not do us any good. Please leave by sun down.
P.S. I think that it's kind of weird that you are so freaked out by my car and by modern music, but you don't mind traveling through time in a time machine. Just wanted to point that out.
(End of message)
Anyways, so as you can see, my fantasy quickly turns sour. It pretty much always ends up in war, or something close to it when I imagine hanging out with someone from the past. Maybe I'll start imagining hanging out with someone from the future, and see if we can avoid getting violent.
Posted by Julian Burton at 22:07
Thursday, 16 October 2008
I decided tonight that I wanted to see if my name ever came up on any hurricane naming lists. I was excited and disappointed at the same time to find my name on one of the Philippines' own tropical storm naming lists. They have four lists that they recycle, and my name is on list 4. So I guess I barely made it.
I say that I am excited and disappointed at the same time, basically cuz I was excited to see my name, but I also realized I would probably never hear if it was being used. This is because whatever storm the Philippines would be calling Julian, the rest of the world would be calling something else. I guess I better start tuning in to the Philippino weather reports around hurricane season. However, another negative point, is that apparently they used list 4 this year. So I have to wait until 2012 for them to potentially use it again.
I will be waiting patiently...
Posted by Julian Burton at 21:41
After doing some research, it turns out that now a couple of dictionaries are actually including "funner" and "funnest" as words. The argument being, that if it is commonly used, which I guess it is, it should be a word. There does still seem to be quite a lot of debate over it though. I wouldn't want to be in a room where the dictionary people are discussing this heavy topic.
Posted by Julian Burton at 09:01
Wednesday, 15 October 2008
1. I enjoy drinking soda when I'm thirsty, even though a lot of people bring up the fact that soda actually makes you thirstier. But what about this scenario....what if you were in a desert with nothing to drink but sprite? Would it be better to just abstain from drinking, cuz sprite makes you thirstier??? I think not. Surely you would be better off drinking sprite than nothing at all.
2. It seems to be a common fact, that "funner," is not a word in the English language. When someone accidentally lets it slip out, everyone else is quick to jump on them in mockery to embarrass the individual. But my point is, why shouldn't "funner" be a word?? It actually seems more logical for it to be a word then not. Was it breaking one of the original rules in the English language? Were the first English speakers going through adjectives and adverbs and decided funner just wouldn't work?
"Alright, let's keep going....so....bigger, smarter, classier, funner,..."
"Bob, wait...that last one...that's not gonna work."
"Yeah, that can't be a word. Funner...haha....it makes more sense to say 'more fun.'"
"Bob, I don't even want to have to explain it to you...funner, just doesn't make sense, ok??"
"Alright, I don't see why...but ok."
I relate to Bob's confusion there. In my opinion, the person saying funner is actually just being more logical than the rest of us.
Posted by Julian Burton at 09:32
Thursday, 2 October 2008
I was watching discovery channel, or animal planet...one of those two the other week, and I saw a segment on the colossal squid. I had heard of a giant squid before, and when they started talking about it, I assumed that a colossal squid was a really big giant squid. However, I soon learned that the colossal squid is actually a different species of squid, and is bigger than the giant squid. I bet scientists felt stupid when they were thinking of a name for it, and they had already named a species, "giant squid."
"Hey, we found another species of squid!"
"Wow! what's it like??"
"it's huge! It's actually bigger than a giant squid!"
"You sure it's not just a really big giant squid??"
"Yeah, it has a different body type, different tentacles...lots of differences!......what's wrong???"
"Well, what are we supposed to call it?? Really giant squid??"
"Oh, yeah...I dont know."
"I told Ron!! I told him not to name the species giant squid!! I told him we might find something bigger!!"
"Look, it's not a big deal, we can just call it colossal squid or something..."
"yeah, I guess so....it sounds kinda stupid though...."
"Kinda...but we'll get used to it..."
"I guess so..."
anyways, here is a picture of the first colossal squid caught. They can grow up to 50 feet long including their tentacles. This one was about 33 feet long. They also have sharp teeth lining their tentacles...and some of them swivel. So try to avoid swimming to deeper than 1000m in the ocean, cuz they can be quite dangerous.
Posted by Julian Burton at 15:09
Monday, 29 September 2008
I have a lot of trouble sleeping really. It's a combination of having a lot on my mind, and having a weird sleep cycle. Most of the time however, once I have fallen asleep, I stay asleep till morning. However, sometimes I have a problem that I refer to as "crash sleeping". That's what happened tonight.
Basically what happens, is that I get really tired around 10 or 11 at night, and so I get ready for bed, read a few pages of whatever novel I am working on, then turn out the lights. As you may guess, I "crash", and fall asleep right away. I then have several vivid and sometimes frightening dreams, and I wake up with a start. I look at the clock, and usually, I've been asleep for about 20-30 minutes. Tonight it was about twenty minutes. After I have woken from my crash, I think to myself, "dang it, I crash slept!" (I like using terms that I make up). I am then wide awake, and can't fall asleep for hours usually. It's 2:30 right now, and I woke up from my crash at about 11:30. I still don't feel tired at all. Going off past experiences, it could be as late as 4 or 5 before I find sleep again. Not a great thing when the phone could be ringing as early as 6 to tell me if I have job substituting for the day.
I guess I'll read a little more of my book...
Posted by Julian Burton at 23:31
Alright...so here's a question for you:
If a group of aliens came down to earth, and asked you to come with them right away to their planet for five years without being able to tell anyone that you were going...would you go?
Before you answer...here are some specific details about the opportunity:
1. They are taking around 10,000 people from all over the world with them, so you wouldn't be alone on their planet.
2. The aliens are strange looking, but for the most part, resemble a person in that they have a head, two arms and two legs...eyes and a mouth...etc. But we'll say they are blue, have really big eyes, and don't have any hair.
3. The aliens are peaceful, and very friendly. They have to take your blood once a month, but it is only to study it. There are not any ulterior motives.
4. You will be well taken care of- a place to stay, food, etc.
5. Their civilization is very advanced technologically, and they show you some pictures of their planet, and it looks really beautiful, with crazy, modern looking buildings, gigantic trees, mountains, and waterfalls, etc...
6. They will return you punctually in five years.
If you think you would do it, would you do it for ten years? or fifteen years??
My answer to five years would be yes. I would only be 28 when I came home, and I would have had a crazy experience where I probly would learn so much.
I would maybe do 10. I don't know about 15 years though.
Posted by Julian Burton at 14:22
Sunday, 21 September 2008
I was driving home from downtown Raleigh earlier tonight, and I passed a Denny's. Normally, I wouldn't have been phased by a Denny's....passing one is a fairly unimportant, uninteresting event. However, the sign outside the Denny's was advertising something I found quite unusual. It read... "We have a turkey sausage." Now, I guess the type of person who likes a turkey burger, would also be interested in eating a turkey sausage. However, I didn't realize that turkey sausages were such a sought after item, that one would advertise specifically for them. Did the restaurant get busier once people knew that they had turkey sausages??
I would stop here, but I also have to point out that the sign specifically read, that they had a turkey sausage. I can't imagine the swarms of people who must be turning hard into the Denny's parking lot to take a crack at getting that last turkey sausage. I mean, people are probably calling their loved ones proclaiming the gravity of this event...
"There's only one left!"
"One Turkey Sausage!!"
"NOOOO! Do you think you have a chance at it????"
"I don't know! I'm pulling a u-turn at the next light and getting there as soon as I can!"
"Hurry honey!! HURRY!!!"....
(calls back 5 minutes later)
"Hey! False alarm....turns out it was a typo....they don't only have one left."
"Oh my gosh...they really need to get that fixed! Did you complain??"
"Oh don't worry, I gave them a piece of my mind.....a real piece of my mind!!!.....well, do you need anything from harris teeter?? I'm gonna stop by on the way home."
"No, I think I'm good.....oh actually, could you get a little more cheese??? extra sharp cheddar would be great."
Posted by Julian Burton at 19:58
Thursday, 18 September 2008
I realized recently that my blog doesn't have a lot of spunk. What I mean by that, is that I don't have any pictures posted. So I thought I would post this really cool picture for ya'll.
"Julian, why did you choose a picture of a duck?"
..what do you mean?
"I'm just curious as to why you chose a picture of a duck, because it doesn't seem to have any relevance to your blog."
..you don't like it?
"I mean, it's fine...it's a nice looking duck. But I just feel like it's kind of random."
..oh. Do you not see the illusion?
"Umm.......no, I just see a duck. Is there one?"
..Nope....but that's the illusion.
"I'm confused...the illusion is that there isn't an illusion?"
"That actually doesn't make sense."
..It does make sense...you think that there's an illusion, but then when you look for it, there isn't one.
"Well I didn't think there was an illusion until you told me there was."
..But there isn't one.
"Well....I know that now.......you're an idiot."
..hey, you win some you lose some................so do you like the picture?
"Yes, it's a very nice duck."
Posted by Julian Burton at 21:38
Wednesday, 17 September 2008
So yesterday, I checked into a medical study where I would be taking a Morphine pill, and then they would take my blood a bunch of times. In total I would be staying at the lab for 2 nights and 2 days this week, then 2 nights and 2 days next week. Then, when it's all over, they give me a check for $1000. I wasn't too excited about the confinement periods, but could I could use the money, so I was excited about that aspect of it.
Everything started out well. I checked in, and switched the number on my bed with a different number, so I had a better bunk (a bottom bunk next to a power outlet). We then took a pill that was going to lessen the effects of the morphine for the following day. This pill had effects of its own though, and I found it extremely difficult to sleep. However, this could also be partly because I was sleeping in a strange place, and in the same room as twenty men who use these medical studies as their primary source of income.
One of the men decided that it would be normal to speak to his girlfriend long into the night on topics that were fairly personal, and sexual in nature. I remembered from earlier, that he looked around 35, and that he had attended university, at the highly acclaimed institution, SCU. From reading the back of his shirt...I learned that this stood for, Stone Cold University, which is referring to Stone Cold Steve Austin, a professional wrestler. One tidbit I remember from the conversation was a bit strange. The GF was obviously unhappy that he was attending this study, and somehow, the conversation shifted to her bra (sorry about this...). Anyways, he explains that part of the reason he is doing the study is so he can buy her new bras. I'm not really sure how to address this part of the conversation. But this gives you an indication of what I was hearing most of the night.
Theoretically, I should still be there right now, listening to the strange man talking to his girlfriend at a bunk nearby. However, I had a bad response to the Morphine this morning, and threw up. They were therefore forced to send me home, cuz my data wouldn't be valid.....So there you go. No $1000 for me. I think I'll get a check for like $150 or something. Oh well.
Posted by Julian Burton at 21:04
Tuesday, 16 September 2008
I really want fall to go ahead and get here. I can sense it approaching, even though the weather hadn't cooled off much until recently. I want the leaves to go ahead and start changing, and I want to sit outside in jeans and a hooded sweatshirt.
Fall also puts me in much more of a reflective state, and I always find myself listening to a lot of indy rock, going for long walks, reading a lot, and basically being extra pensive.
I guess it's also interesting to me that in a few months, fall will be over, and I will be thinking about Christmas time, and hoping for a ski trip into a snowy part of the country. This may not seem like that big a deal, but I guess because of where I am in life right now, a lot could change in the next few months. Maybe I'll look back at this fall and think, "wow....fall 2008, that's where a lot of stuff went down." I think maybe I'm hoping that that's the case.
I guess it's cool to know that God knows fully what's going to go down this fall, whether its circumstantially dramatic for me or not...
And I guess I kind of like not knowing. This way I can hope, guess, and ponder on where my life might go.
Posted by Julian Burton at 11:20
Monday, 25 August 2008
Unfortunately, I spend a decent amount of time right now waiting tables at a restaurant in Raleigh called the Twisted Fork. This morning, I woke up for work, and threw my black shirt and apron in the dryer to fluff them a bit before I left. When I went to retrieve them, I found them covered in yellow splotches. Unfortunately there had been a yellow crayon in my apron from the restaurant, and it had melted in the dryer and splattered everywhere. I didn't have a replacement at my disposal, so I had to head to work without my shirt, and hope to be able to obtain a new one upon my arrival. Naturally, I had to purchase a new shirt for the lofty price of $17.
Now, the restaurant business has been particularly slow in general due to the state of the economy. However, it doesn't get much slower than a Monday lunch shift. Today was slow even for a Monday lunch, and I only made $15 off of my tables.
So...all in all...I paid 2 dollars to go to work today. I'm gonna be honest...that's not the best feeling in the world.
Sunday, 24 August 2008
I was at the beach a little while ago, and I realized how much I loved just going for walks along the water's edge. It is so comforting to have that thin layer of water rushing back and forth over my feet as I venture along in deep thought. I like it so much, that I think it would be cool if all the sidewalks in the world had a thin layer of water on them, and we could walk around barefoot. Of course this idea, having a multitude of problems, could probably never happen. I would say I'm 82% sure that it could never happen. However, I wouldn't mind settling for having a thin layer of water all throughout my house. Just kind of rushing around from little jets, escaping into vents, and cascading down the stairs. People would come into my house and ask...
"Should I take my shoes off??"
I would answer..."I think that would probably be a good idea!!! HAHA!"
Then they would look around, and say..."Oh...haha, I get it! You have a thin layer of water everywhere! How comforting for a person's feet!"
I would be the most popular guy in town...they would call me "the water man"...
"Julian, couldn't you think of a better name?"
"I SAID WATER MAN!"
Anyways...this is just a little dream I have. I'm about 53% sure that it probably won't ever happen. But hey, you can't fault a guy for dreaming.
Posted by Julian Burton at 20:20
Tuesday, 22 July 2008
Sometimes, if I'm in a quiet room with someone else, and neither of us are talking, I like to look over to them and silently mouth words so that maybe for a split second, they think they are deaf...
"Julian, What are you doing?"
"Did you think you were deaf?"
I think they did, really...
Posted by Julian Burton at 09:53
Monday, 21 July 2008
I got home from work rather late tonight, and came home to my dog Penny acting rather antsy. I therefore thought it best to take her for a short walk. Penny is getting old, so I had to half drag her up the first hill before we were able to turn onto the nature trail behind my house. She usually finds a little energy after that first hill. We came upon the trail, and I was flooded with memories of dramatic encounters with deer and confused neighbors. But I was in the mood for a walk, and ventured into the darkness anyway.
However, almost immediately into the walk, I noticed a small shadowy creature gliding towards me, and a dark colored cat stopped in a patch of light several yards in front of me. He sat down and looked at me and Penny. Penny was sniffing around and didn't see this fellow, or she surely would have gone into attack mode. The cat had some long hairs sticking up off his upright ears, kind of like a lynx, if you've ever seen one of those. He stared at us for a second, and I thought that he might say something. He just had that fantasy-ish look about him. I stared back, and asked him if he could talk. He quickly cocked his head to the side, and responded, "that's quite bold of you to ask a cat if he can talk." He had a sharp, intelligent-sounding voice.
"Yeah, I know," I said, "but you just had that look about you..."
"Like I come from some other world, and I can lead you there??"
"Well, I do come from some other world, but only cats live there, so I don't think you would like it."
"Oh." I was a little disappointed..."Could I just come and visit for a couple of days or something??"
"umm...I don't know if that's a good idea...no one is really gonna want to put you up for the night."
"You don't think I could stay with you?"
"Eh...yeah, maybe...I'll IM you or whatever."
"Alright, you want my screenname?"
"It's, ouch1308...what's yours?"
"cool....ok.....you don't think I could just come and visit for a little while right now do you??"
"Look buddy, I said I'll IM you..."
"Yeah...sorry, I just wasn't doing anything right now and....."
He interrupted, "I actually have to go....but...yeah.... it was nice meeting you....."
"Alright, well, I guess I'll talk to you online then."
The cat bounded off into the woods. I looked at Penny, who surprisingly, hadn't reacted at all to the talking cat. I asked her if she could talk, and she didn't say anything. Well, I have a feeling silverglider73 is not going to IM me. I should have played it a little cooler and not been so forward...scared him off. Well, I'll know that for the next time I come across any animals from other worlds.
Posted by Julian Burton at 00:45
Tuesday, 1 July 2008
So I've been working at starbucks to bring in a little money while I look for a something more permanent. Today was actually my first real day after training, and I was working at the register. There was also a coworker who was working at the register next to me. Naturally, we got to conversing, and we started discussing the nature of the internet club that had some kind of organized event in our store. We were lightly making fun of the group, even though we had no real idea what kind of internet site they were involved with. Eventually, I brought up the fact that everyone on the site is old and lame. Honestly, no one there was over 40...so we're looking at about 20, normal looking, middle aged people. This is when it clicked in my mind, that my coworker was also a good bit older than me...probly much closer in age to all of our customers. I suddenly felt awkward, and probly should have just left it alone. But I proceded to ask her how old she was. She explained that she was 35 years old. So I say, "I didn't mean like...old...." and she was just like, "it's fine..." Then I just nodded, and we didn't really converse much after that.
Posted by Julian Burton at 19:52
Thursday, 5 June 2008
I actually have another story that is related to deer. However, this one is entirely true, and doesn't have any fictional dialog.
The other night, I decided to go for a run. It was about 8:30, and so it was starting to get dark. I decided to do my normal five mile loop, that brings me onto a paved nature trail for the last mile and a half. My run was going great and it felt good to be exercising in cooler temperatures. Eventually, I started approaching the trail, and it was then that I realized that that it was really dark out, and the trail wasn't lit at all, apart from occasional houses that peered through the thick forest on either side.
I came up to the trail and slowed to a walk just for a few seconds as I examined the darkness ahead of me. Just then, something caught the corner of my eye, apparently as I caught the corner of their eyes, and all of us jumped and ran at the same time. It quickly came to my attention that this was indeed four deer that had been standing a few feet away from me. I don't know what I thought it was for that first split second, but I tend to be easily startled, and wasn't a huge fan of that encounter.
It then dawned on me that there was probably going to be a whole lot of deer along this dark path. So I decided to warn them of my approach so that they could get clear of me, and no one would get startled. I decided to use the sound "heep," something I picked up from some friends, to bring attention to myself as I ran along. It was really surprising how many deer were chillin along the trail, and I was very pleased that my strategy was working, as they jumped off into the woods well before I was near them.
As I mentioned before, there were indeed some houses that lined the woods, and occasionally you could see the back decks through the woods. Eventually there was one house, that was clearly visible, and I noticed right away that there were three women standing on the back deck, peering cautiously in my direction. I slowed down without saying anything. Then one of the women said, "are you a person??" I immediately realized that I had been uttering a very peculiar sound quite loudly for the last five minutes, and it was probly pretty audible to anyone nearby. I responded..."yeah, sorry....I was trying to scare off the deer so they wouldn't startle me." The woman replied..."oh...well you kind of scared us...maybe you should try and say a human word next time so we know you're a person, not some weird animal." I laughed along with them, apologized, and continued on my way. I was a little embarrassed, so i discontinued my audible warnings to the deer. Luckily, I think I had already scared all of them off, and made it home without any more encounters.
Posted by Julian Burton at 12:35
Tuesday, 3 June 2008
So I was looking out my window this afternoon, and there was a deer running around in the street. This would be quite normal if it had been nighttime, but it was 2 o'clock in the afternoon. So naturally I stepped outside to figure out what was going on.
Me: "Excuse me miss, is there something I can help you with?"
Deer: "umm...actually, I'm looking for cub road..do you know where that is?"
Me: "Yeah, actually you have to go back out onto the main road...wait...what are you doin there?
Deer: "I'm late for a lunch date..."
Me: "Like with a person??"
Deer: "Well yeah...what do you mean??"
Me: "Well you are a deer."
Deer: "Oh...so I'm just a deer."
Me: "I didn't say, just a deer."
Deer: "you know what, just go back into your people house, and dont bother inviting me in, because I am just a deer!!"
Me: "I wasn't going to invite you in...I dont know you at all..."
Deer: "Well good!"
Me:"......yeah, so I have to go..."
Deer:"fine! go inside your people house, and sit in your people chair, and do people things!!"
Me:(walking back to the door) " yeah, ok, I hope you find your way....goodbye"
Deer:"Goodbye, you unhelpful piece of...(door slams shut)"
That's the last time I try and help a deer.
Posted by Julian Burton at 12:32
Thursday, 29 May 2008
I really enjoy making sandwiches. They are such a dependable, and tasty item to eat. Sometimes I get really excited about making a sandwich, and decide to really put the time in to make it a truly wonderful sandwich. I decided to do that tonight. I toasted the bread just right...cut the extra sharp cheddar cheese into nice thick, even slices...I cut the tomato, the onion, and ripped off some fresh lettuce leaves...I even put on a couple of cucumber slices. The turkey was already prepared and sliced from the deli, so that wasn't too tricky...but I had to decide between the mustard, and the mayo. What would go better with this particular combination? my thoughts landed on mayo, and it seemed like the perfect choice to complete the sandwich. It was pretty much finished...now I just had to pour myself a drink, and head upstairs to continue watching my film, with this beautiful creation at my disposal.
I literally take one step forward, and the sandwich slides off my plate and destroys itself against the kitchen floor. It was ruined.
Now, there are tons of horrible things in this world. Things that can make us sad and angry, to degrees that make those emotions hard to overcome. However, for about one, tiny, split second... that feeling of losing a perfect sandwich, is right up there with the worst feelings. Just for a second though...obviously it's easy to get over, and it's not a big deal at all in the long run. But man...for that one second...where you see it splattered all over the ground, you realize you can't eat it, you realize you have to remake a sandwich if you do want to eat, and you realize that you also have to clean all of it up...that sure is a nasty feeling.
Posted by Julian Burton at 00:43
Wednesday, 28 May 2008
I just finished my first post about 30 seconds ago, and I thought I would go ahead and get the ball rolling with another post. As you may have seen, the title of this post is "time travel". Basically, I just wanted to share some revelations I had earlier this year...or maybe last year, about time travel.
Unfortunately, if my theory holds true (I'm open to other opinions on the matter), it's unlikely that anyone will ever discover time travel. I say this, because theoretically, if anyone discovers time travel in the future, they would have already come back in time and told us. For example, they would have traveled back to 1962 and been like..."Hey, I'm from the future!" This event would be in our past, and so we would know about it in our present. Actually, we probly would have people coming to visit us from the future all the time. I guess that would also mean we could jump in their machine with them and travel to the future, or the past. It would just be time traveling chaos. When you met people, you would have to ask them where they were from, and from what century. When you traveled, you could decide where you wanted to go, and which time period you wanted to go to. I think it would get a bit ridiculous. But I haven't seen any evidence that that is going on, so I feel like it's safe to say that if time travel exists, it's a pretty controlled activity.
Therefore it is possible that someone discovers time travel in the future, and that people do travel through time, but keep it a secret. However, I feel that someone would eventually probly steal a time machine and come back without keeping it a secret. I guess it's possible that people just wouldn't travel back in time even if it did exist, cuz they wouldn't want to mess things up. We've all seen the butterfly effect. Or maybe, there would be rules to follow, and you would have to get your license. Im not sure how it would be controlled, because you would change the course of history by interacting with anyone through time travel...but the people in the future would understand it a lot better than me I guess.
Maybe they would have "safe time traveling" classes, and show the butterfly effect to the students. Then someone in the class would probly get all cynical...and whisper to their friend "this couldn't really happen, these classes are a bunch of bull." The teacher would then overhear and say..."excuse me cynical student, this could most certainly happen...and because of that comment, Ill make sure that you never get behind the controls of a time machine!" Then the student would slam his binder down and storm out. The teacher would then feel bad inside...maybe he should have been more patient with him...maybe he should have given him a second chance...it would obviously be breaking the rules to go back in time and do that little scene over...I guess he'll just have to let time keep passing, and hope the kid recovers.
Well, if I know that student as well as I think I do, I think he'll be just fine.
"Julian, that last part is made up...you don't know the student."
You may have a point my friend...but I would like to respond by saying...are you sure of what the future holds??
"Well no, but I know you just made all that up."
"Like I just said, the part at the end, with the student and the teacher, and you saying that you know the student....that part isn't true."
Well hey, the river never flows where it should...you know??
Goodbye, my friend.
Posted by Julian Burton at 23:51
Ok, so just so you know, this is about the fourth time I've tried to start a blog. It just didn't stick before. I usually start with a relatively long intro about what's going on in my life. However, this time around, I don't feel like doing that. So, I'm not going to write anything more. Well, I will hopefully write some more postings about whatever I feel like...if I decide I want to keep writing postings that is....we'll see. Ok...now the intro posting is officially finished.
Posted by Julian Burton at 23:46